Great Friends, Greatly Deranged
by AkurokuXIIIVIII
Summary: Just a bunch of dabbles of the two greatest friends ever. Craziness, is a part of life...Right? Axel and Roxas.


Disclaimer: We do not own the characters or anything thats Kingdom Hearts. If we did, Axel wouldn't have died. Lol

I say 'we' because theres two of us. Sometimes. Or we individually write random stuff and submit it here. lol

Well, anyway Enjoy! :D

* * *

Sunday: one of the crappiest days of the week, besides Monday of course.

Most of the stores in the mall were closed; everyone was at church or at a club, and a lot of homework to be done by procrastinating teens.

Roxas is sitting on the Lazy boy chair with his legs hanging over the armrest, while sluggishly flipping through the channels on the TV.

His best friend, Axel, lies on the couch with his arms pillowing his head as he watches Roxas flip past the Fox channel for the third time in twenty minutes.

Axel looks over at Roxas and shakes his head. "You've passed that channel for the third time now, you dope." Roxas's eyebrows furrow as he looks over at Axel with a glare on his face. "Oh, shut up. I know, okay?" Roxas turns back to the TV boredly, muttering insults under his breath.

Axel stands up and stretches, his plaid pajama pants nearly falling off until he pulls them up, while turning away from Roxas and stating to walk out of the living room. "Hey, do you want some munchies, hoe?" Axel comments while slightly turning his head to Roxas, arms laid behind his neck. "I am not your hoe, Axel. And no, I do not want any of your munchies. Who knows what you do to them when I'm not looking." Axel grins. "Hey, that's not nice to say. You can be so MEAN!"

Roxas turns his head to look at Axel. "Don't you dare start to whine, you pussy." Axel turns to him. "But ROXY~" "Dammit Axel! What did I just say?" Axel pouts. "You are such a sour puss, Roxy." He says while walking into the kitchen and poking his head into the fridge.

"Are you sure you don't want anything? 'Cause I could make something…" Roxas rolls his eyes, irritated at the ever-persisting Axel. "Yes, I am sure Axel." Axel grins. "How about some En Flambé?" Roxas lets out an irritated sound. "No, Axel. I do not want burnt food. I do not want food. How blunt do I need to be?" Axel hums. "I dunno, extremely?"

Ignoring Axel, Roxas turned off the TV and got up off the chair, stretching his arms over his and tossing the remote on the couch. He can hear Axel singing one of his songs from his great song library in the kitchen, it sounds like something from Tatu, but he isn't sure. Actually he's never sure about Axel, the freak always had a song in his head that he'd, in time, would eventually sing out loud. Rolling his eyes, Roxas walks to the front door.

"Hey Roxy! Could you put some music on?" Axel calls between lyrics.

Roxas lets out a yawn and opens the door, letting three tabby cats into the house.

"No, do it yourself lazy ass!" Roxas calls, shutting the door then following the cats into the kitchen.

"But I'm busy making lunch," Axel whines, cutting a slab of cookie dough off of the frozen Pillsbury easy to make cookie dough.

"Yeah, right, lunch," Roxas nods in disgust, he can't believe anyone could eat that stuff, the only reason it's in the house because his brother Sora eats it. The shit tastes like plastic compared to the real thing.

"Roxy stop being a little bitch and turn on some music," Axel says, slightly annoyed.

"Fine, but make something that won't leave the smell of burnt plastic in my house," Roxas grumbles, walking to the refrigerator and glancing at the black stereo that sat on top, god he hates being short.

"So what are you implying?" Axel grins.

Roxas grabs a wooden chair from the dinner table in the middle of the room and pulls it to the fridge. Standing on the chair, Roxas sets up his Ipods playlist, presses play, and waits for the music to turn on.

"What do you think, dumbass? Don't make crap that's going to fog up my house with a black cloud of Pillsbury doom."

Axel laughs, "Well you could help me make REAL cookies if you want?"

"Fuck no!" Roxas shouts without a seconds thought.

"WHY NOT?!"

"Because only _girls_ bake cookies!"

Axel turns around and looks at the small, slender, blond teenager with a quirked eyebrow. Roxas narrows his eyes in wonder at Axel, and then realization hits him. Or more likely hits Axel, because Roxas throws the stereo remote at the redhead.

"Son of a bitch," Roxas growls under his breath.

Axel laughs, reaching over and picking up the remote, and tossing it onto the counter. "Hey, it's not my fault you have more X chromosomes! You're probably on the bottom." Axel laughs.

"Dammit Axel! I'm not gay! And you're not making any sense you asshat!" Axel grins. "Do I ever?" Roxas glares at Axel. "Actually, now that I think about it, you never do." Axels face turns blank, as he puts he hand on his heart. "Ow, that hurt. That really, really, hurt."

Silence hangs in the air. Suddenly, Axels face turns into a face full of melodramatic pain. Roxas covers his face. "Oh, please Axel. For the love of God, don't go all fucking drama-queen on me. I don't need this right now."

But, Axel totally ignores poor little Roxas. "WWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?"

Axel drops to his knees, and rolls around in supposed 'pain'. Roxas yells over Axel's screaming. "Shut up! What the hell do they put in that cookie-dough shit? Fucking crack or something?" Axel stops and just lays there, face on the floor. "I don't know, Roxas. I really don't." Roxas sighs and shakes his head. "How pathetic can you get Axel? As of today, you have officially, somehow, sunken to a new low. Why do I bother with you?"

Axel raises his head. "Well, excuseee me, princess." Axel gets up onto his knees, and puts his hands and head by Roxas's feet. "I am not worthy, I am not worthy of your ultra presence. I apologize my lord." Axel starts to mockingly bow at Roxas's feet, making stupid, sarcastic comments of his 'un-worthiness'. Roxas grins. "That's right bitch, keep bowing. 'Cause you ain't worthy." Axel gets up. "But anyway, what were we talking about?" Roxas sighs and shakes his head. "Nothing you dumbass." Axel shrugs and goes back to his cookies, which are ever patiently burning. Roxas takes in a deep breath and stops, turning to face Axel. "DAMMIT! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BURNING THAT SHIT? FUCK ON A STICK!"

"Wow, Pillsbury cookies do smell like burning plastic," Axel says casually to himself, like the cookies weren't burning a hole into the baking pan at all.

"AND HOW THE FUCK DID YOU SLIP THE COOKIES INTO THE OVEN AND _**BURN**_ THEM ALL IN 30 SECONDS?!"

Axel turns to Roxas with a mischievous grin, "Oh because my dear Roxy, I'm magical that way."

Roxas rolls his eyes at the idiot he calls a friend, "Oh, sure. 'Cause you're just that **awesome** Axel."

"Yah know it!" Axel gives him two thumbs up.

"Just get those fucking things out of the oven."

"Okie-dokie," Axel sighs, grabbing the purple and pink rhinestone ovenmitts sitting on the counter table and walks over to the oven.

Roxas, not paying any attention to Axel, starts to ruffle his messy blond hair until suddenly something nuzzles his ankle. He looks down and sees his fat tabby cat Cheshire -God he shouldn't have let Axel name one of his cats- beaming up at him with his large amber eyes. Roxas smiles and kneels down beside his cat and scratches behind his ear, which in return earns a blissful purr.

"You must be hungry boy," Roxas says softly.

"NO SHIT I'M HUNGRY! I COULD USE THESE AS FUCKING THINGS NINJA STARS AND KILL SOMEONE!" Axel shouts as a huge puff of black smoke engulfs him in its blackness, "No wonder you hate them so much Roxy."

Roxas rolls his eyes and picks up his large, purring cat and walks out of the kitchen only to return with a small bag of cat food. He walks over to the cats' food bowl that's by the door, putting Cheshire down and refills the empty food bowl. On cue the other two cats, Daisy and Jafar, come running into the kitchen gathering around the food bowl. Roxas watches in amusement as his cats try to eat out of the over crowded bowl.

"And what the fuck is up with these ovenmitts Roxas? Your mom sure has some weird taste," Axel says, dropping the empty pan into the sink and looking sort of dumbfounded at the ovenmitts on his hands.

"Actually those are my fathers," Roxas says plainly.

There's silence, not an awkward silence, well not to Roxas anyway. Only the sound of music and cats crunching on pellets can be heard.

Finally Axel speaks "That's the shits!"

"Its not _that_ bad," Roxas says, somewhat trying to defend his fathers dignity, but he has to admit the ovenmitts were pretty scary.

"No! I mean it really tastes like shit!"

Roxas raises an eyebrow in confusion, "What?" Did his friend just try to eat his fathers' ovenmitts? Of Course that would be **beyond** weird and all that jazz, but Roxas has at least some faith his friend wasn't that stupid… or maybe he would, I mean come, on its Axel, right?

"I mean these cookies! They taste like shit!"

Roxas turns to face the redhead, who is munching on dark, black burnt Pillsbury cookies of doom. The redhead has a look of disgust on his face.

"You're ACTUALLY eating that crap?!"

Axel looks over at Roxas with one of those 'What-The-Hell-Do-You-Think-Hoe' looks. " 'Chya. What do you think I'd do? Throw them out? God, Roxas. You're so wasteful." Axel just continues to munch on his black death.

Roxas gives him a look. "ARE YOU **SERIOUS**?! THAT'S **DISGUSTING**!"

Then Roxas just sighs, irritated. "Y'know what. Axel? I just don't give a shit. Have fun clogging your arteries."

Axel gawks. "B-but, Roxy! You're supposed to care! YOU'RE MY _**WIFE **_DAMMIT ALL! YOU SHOULD CARE!"

Roxas looks at him.

Axel sniffs. "But, you are." Roxas sighs. "Haven't we already gone through this? I'M NOT YOUR WIFE! I thought we had a talk about this." Axel grins. "We probably did. I just decide to start ignoring you whenever you say 'Axel, we have to talk.' But ya, we probably did."

Roxas looks at him with a pissed look. "You mean **I **had a talk, while you sat there like an idiot."

Axel laughs and takes a big-assed bite out of his cookie. "Hey, you don't have to be so mean about. You ignore me too! So, you can't get mad at me, or else you're a hypocrite!"

Roxas gives Axel a blank look. "Do I give a rats ass?"

Axel shrugs. "You should. You're Roxas. You should be offended." Roxas rolls his eyes. "Sure, Axel. I'll be sure to get to that."

Silence.

As they stand there, all Axel can think is Oh-My-God…There's silence. Amazing. The silence seems way too long for Axel.

"…_**PENIS**_!"

"WHAT THE HELL AXEL?!?!"

Axel bursts out laughing. In between his laughter he chokes out "I'M SORRY! laugh~ I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF! ~laugh~ IT WAS TOO AKWARD!" Axel starts to bend over while practically pissing himself laughing.

"COULDN'T YOU HAVE PICKED A BETTER WORD YOU RETARD?!? LIKE, SERIOUSLY AXEL! GET A BRAIN!" Roxas covers his face, at the moment totally ashamed to know Axel.

"How did I end up getting a friend like you?" He mutters under his breath, smiling all the same at Axel's retarded-ness, almost glad to have a stupid, stupid friend like him.

Roxas laughs with Axel, because Axel's laughter was beginning to be contagious. They both stop eventually to catch their breath, but when they look at each other's grinning faces, they burst out laughing again.

Axel and Roxas both stop after awhile, catching their breath and wiping their eyes. Axel chuckles while wiping his eyes. "Good times Roxy, good times." Roxas chuckles too. "Ya right Axel."


End file.
